Liberatedpen's Journals

This Shade of 'Two-Faced' Doesn't Look Good On Me.

Wow. Haven't been here in a while.

Life was too good for internet facade's and examples of people worse than me.

Now you're officially with someone else. I can't say that I'm surprised. I can say I'm a little heartbroken. I was also lying to myself when I told myself that maybe it could work. Things like you and me never work. At least, never longer than in the moment. It's too bad that a moment was all we had.

I think I took a lot for granted. I think I took a lot. I was seeing too many not to be seen by you.

Coffee long forgotten on the windowsill, arms draped across shy skin, I wish I had the force of will to stop at one, but I'll never win...

Who loses in a race against lust?

You or me or both- and when?

I think we fall because we must.

Lie down to get back up again.

And still I hide my face in shame every time your memory rocks my brain with scenes better left unseen by everyone caught in between.

Here's to all the things that could have been if I hadn't been such a horrible, horrible person. I never wanted to be this girl, so why did I let myself become her? This shade of Two-Faced doesn't look good on me.

The Morning Laughter

Coffee long forgotten on the window sill

Arms draped across shy skin

I wish I had the force of will

To stop at one, but I'll never win.

Who loses in a race against lust?

You or me or both- and when?

I think we fall because we must;

Lie down to get back up again.

But still I hide my face in shame

Every time your memory rocks my brain

With scenes better left unseen

By everyone caught in between.

Skeletons

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I see you've brought your bones again

Dressed up in designer clothes.

It's nice to see you, how've you been?

The party just died and everyone knows.

Come Monday, it'll be alright

You'll have been forgiven, you'll have stayed the night.

But let me make one thing clear:

It doesn't mean she was never here.

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Little triumphs and small retreats litter my memories of this summer. It's so strange to keep going when I feel like almost nothing lies in wait at the finish line. Will you be there?

Smile with me as I take a pretty picture. You're beautiful today.

So Long

And you're just one man on my journey of dreams

You're just one fool who doesn't know what he means

It's a long night but the morning will come

We'll soon feel the light of the sun

So, so long,

I'll walk tall down the path I have made

And wait for your memory to fade.

So long.

You Light Your Cigarettes With Matches

There are clothes on the line outside.

Milk crates form your living room.

Fans stir a breeze that tries to hide

The overwhelming heat of noon.

A never-ending moment passes.

We never have to say goodbye.

Amidst the sweat of empty glasses,

Just the echo of our sighs.

You light your cigarettes with matches

And ignore the blatant metaphor

Of old relationships and ashes

Constantly knocking on your door.

Reruns play mute on black and white

Swing dances through our ears

Lying in wait for the fight

Of one-too-many stupid fears

And I go, go before it starts

Before the breaking of two hearts.

And you light your cigarettes with matches

That burn relationships to ashes.

"I Kiss And Tell (But I Only Tell Myself Over And Over Again)."

It's so easy to smile sometimes.

I recently got this in a fortune cookie: A dream will always triumph over reality, once it is given a chance.

I love that. It spurred me on to think 'We have to give our dreams the light of day'. Provoke my thoughts. I beg you.

The play I'm directing is coming up fast. I'm getting really excited about it. My actresses are wonderful. I can't wait. People here need to see them. They are talented, beautiful, amazing women who deserve so much more than they've received here. I thank them all for what they bring to the stage each night.

I'd like to think I'm doing a good, or at least decent job, but I'm not sure. This is my first endeavor into the world of directing. I hope I pass (though I'm not expecting flying colors).

Busy week. Whirling thoughts. In the cab on the way home last night, streetlamps took on new worlds. So much encompassed in the glow.

Streetlight planets / Create stratospheres of sight / Lines blurred by chemicals / And fond embraces / In that lovely beginning time

Last Night MCR Took Over The All-State Arena...

...And Rightfully So.

I don't think there was a bad seat in the house at last night's concert at the All-State, formerly known as the Rosemont Horizon, formerly known as... well, you get the idea.

This was my first concert for both Rise Against and My Chemical Romance, and I definitely wasn't disappointed. Rise Against performs with a passion and dedication to convey a message that I think is lacking in a lot of bands these days. I applaud their efforts to challenge the minds of the youth of today.

When My Chemical Romance came out onstage, I'm pretty sure the earth stopped. No joke. Now, I've been a casual listener of My Chem for a few years now, and I can't help but feel that they get better with each album.

I've never been to a concert where the band played the whole album all the way through- this may be in part because not many bands venture into the realm of concept albums (and even more rarely a concept album of this caliber). All of the members of My Chem have this insane stage presence that takes over the entire room, and last night was no exception. All eyes were glued to the stage as an intricately woven album came to life before our very eyes. It was insane. It was beautiful. It was gripping. It was MCR, and it was right on.

THEN comes a short intermission before the band came back out to play some classic MCR songs, which had the crowd right back to eating out of the palm of Gerard's very talented hand.

Their show is insane. I'm definitely going to any show they play near here in the future. It was worth it on so many levels.

Let The 'Crazy' Continue...

Statistically, when someone gets robbed, the chances of them seeing ANY of their possessions ever again is SOMEWHERE in the range of slim-to-nil.

Aside from about a dollar's worth of change and my lipgloss/perfume combo, I now have ALL of the contents of my purse back in my possession. I even have my purse.

How crazy is that?

Someone was definitely looking out for V and me that night. And I'm eternally grateful for whoever smiled upon us.

I've said it once, and I'll say it again:

Wake up one morning and, in a moment, your life can change. For the good, for the bad, whatever. You are handed a gift or a blessing or a curse or an opportunity and the colors of the day drastically change.

Today, I'm seeing yellow where there was once grey.

You're A Praying Mantis (But You Don't Have A Prayer).

Okay, so... V and I were robbed at gunpoint last night/this morning.

It happened fast but takes a while to tell. Long story short: we had everything stolen from us, but we're okay. They're material possessions. Big whoop.

No, we weren't in a bad neighborhood. No, we weren't on a dark side-street. No, we didn't do anything wrong. We were walking on a busy, well-lit street, attempting to hail a cab (since the El station nearby was shut down). We handled the situation remarkably well.

If anybody wants to know what happened, I don't mind telling you, but send me a message and I'll relay the events.

Smile. It could have been so much worse.

It was only serious until we got home. Then the jokes began. : )

P.s.- Right before we were mugged, I had just finished a really awesome date with a really awesome guy. My thoughts went something like this: 'Aw, he's so great, I really like him-GUN!!!!'

P.p.s.- I also find it really ironic that I literally JUST bought the wallet that was in my purse about twelve hours before it was stolen. I'm SUPER glad I splurged and invested in that. :)

Got Mugged?

I did.